Have you ever picked up an old journal and received clarity or closureon a situation or a relationship just by reading the words you had written however many years ago?
I was actually looking for a journal to write in this morning because my current self made book has seen better days. I picked up an old journal, cerca 2005 hoping to find some blank pages at the end to scribble some thoughts. As I glanced through my written words I was amazed to read how unhappy I was... and the worst of it was that I was actually writing and documenting it every day and did not even notice. The relationship I was in at the time continued for almost another year after the entries I skimmed through. I felt myself being pulled back into the who-what-when-where-why and how's of the relationship, but instead I just saw the words for what they were on the page and acknowledged that I was pretty unhappy. I saw through my efforts at putting myself down while lifting my "other" up to find happiness somehow. Why would I do that? I ask myself as I reflect on the last two years of my life.
Fear of lots of things I guess. But, here and now is not the time to ponder or dwell. The words on those pages serve as a marker in my past to show a place I don't care to revisit. With that spirit in mind, I closed the wise book and placed it back on the shelf. My "now" is too amazing to be shoved in the back of a pretty depressing (and too be honest, pretty pathetic) time in my life. My "now" deserves a fresh page and maybe a new pen, too.